Category: Personal Mastery

Character Traits: Responsibility

The Right Thing Above My Own Thing

“Character” is easier to recognize than it is to define in a succinct and meaningful way. It’s about mental and moral qualities that define what “normal” is for us. Some have defined it as who we are when no one else is looking.

ResponsibilityMy way of getting a handle on good character is to define it in terms of three TRAITS: Integrity, Selflessness, and Responsibility. Each of those traits can be further detailed as a set of ATTRIBUTES. (See diagram.) Let’s explore the trait of Responsibility.

Responsibility

When you’re responsible for something, you accept that you own the success or failure of it. No excuses, no passing the buck or blaming others.

A responsible person keeps their eyes focused on the things that matter most. The choices they make demonstrate a willingness to say “no” to personal desires to fulfill their commitments. That also implies they recognize their own limitations and don’t commit to what they can’t deliver. Continue reading Character Traits: Responsibility

Character Traits: Integrity

The Real You, Everywhere, All the Time

Would you prefer to hire people of good character or bad character? Silly question…perhaps even sillier is to ask whether you want to be known as a person of good character or bad. But what is good character?

IntegrityThere are countless adjectives that could describe aspects of good character. I use a model that describes it in terms of three TRAITS: Integrity, Selflessness, and Responsibility. Each of those traits can be further detailed as a set of ATTRIBUTES. (See diagram.)

Integrity

In grade school we learned about integers – whole numbers, not fractions. That’s the essence of the word integrity: To be complete, consistent, undivided. With a person of integrity, what you see is what you get. You don’t wonder which person you’ll see under today’s circumstances; you can count on them to be real all the time. Even if being real causes them personal discomfort or even pain. Continue reading Character Traits: Integrity

The Boss vs. The Company

Who Do You Follow?

The BossThe popularity of my article, When The Boss Doesn’t Get It, leads me to address a related challenge…

The scenario: Your boss is all about his own reputation. In fact, sometimes he tells you to do things that will help him look good, even when the company or your clients will suffer for it. You’re between the old proverbial rock-and-a-hard-place.
Continue reading The Boss vs. The Company

When the Boss Doesn’t Get It…

How Do You Succeed?

Let’s just say it up front: No one’s perfect so there’s probably something every boss doesn’t get. But not all of those “somethings” are created equal. There’s no shortage of bosses who get how to manage but are clueless about how to lead people. And being “led” by a bad leader can be incredibly painful!

There is no silver bullet to overcome this challenge. But you are not helpless. In fact, if you handle it well your difficult situation can be a powerful gift for developing your own emotional intelligence and communication skills.

Continue reading When the Boss Doesn’t Get It…

From “I Should” to “I Will”

Executing When We Don’t Want To

I recently wrote about the challenge of getting what we want to do to align with what we should do[1]. Let’s continue down that path a little further. How do we move ourselves from “I should” to “I will”? Once we find the motivation for the right behavior, the next step is to find some methods for executing on those motivations.

Here are some methods and more motivations that might facilitate the shift from “I should” to “I will”:

Take the first step

  1. Break it down. Large, overwhelming tasks are paralyzing. If I think, “write a book”, I don’t have time for that. But I could find time to draft a table of contents this week. Outline one chapter next week. Write the intro the week after that. Or maybe I commit to two pages a day. Don’t focus on what you can’t do, plan and execute what you can do.
  1. Clear up ambiguity. We tend to shy away from anything that isn’t clear or that we don’t know how to do. You could blame it on everyone else for not making it clear and continue to wallow in unproductivity. Or you could own the responsibility to pursue clarity. Pursue it and do it.
  1. Be accountable. Your boss isn’t the only one who can hold you accountable, especially if you ask for it. Peers, friends, subordinates, relatives – if you can’t find someone who will hold you accountable you’re not trying very hard. Back to the book example, tell your kids they get ice cream every day that you write two pages and see if they don’t provide some accountability.
  1. Reward your successes. Did you do what you “should” instead of what you “wanted” to do every day this week? Get yourself some ice cream – unless eating healthier is your “should”! Put a positive spin on the things you’re most reluctant to do and your willingness will grow. What gets rewarded gets repeated.
  1. Make it about others. Assuming you’re not an egomaniac, focusing on how your success or failure impacts others might be the motivational nudge you need.

Whether it’s a lazy streak, risk aversion, lack of clarity, apathy, or something else that keeps you from doing what you should do, you have a choice. Succumb to it and accept the consequences or take action and overcome it. You don’t have to conquer it in one fell swoop. But like repetitions at the gym, a consistent series of small, intentional steps will strengthen your ability to resist “wants” in favor of “shoulds”. You’ll probably experience a few setbacks along the way, but don’t let them derail you. Learn from the misses and your success will continue to grow.Print_Button

[1] https://enlumenls.com/want-should

I Don’t Want To…

But I Should…

Imagine how different life would be if every time we chose our next action we based it on what we should do instead of what we want to do. Why are we surprised when our followers choose a less important task over the most important one when our own wants often win out over the shoulds?
Continue reading I Don’t Want To…

Time Management: When Best-Practice Isn’t…

Know Thyself…

There’s a classic illustration of filling a jar with sand and big rocks.  Put the sand in first and the rocks won’t fit.  Put the rocks in first and the sand fills the space around the rocks and everything fits.  The time management application is that we should do big, important tasks first before doing lesser things.

That’s good advice…sometimes. It might even be good advice for most people, most of the time.  But – and this won’t set well if you’re a “big rock” fan – it ranks among the worst advice I’ve personally ever received. Continue reading Time Management: When Best-Practice Isn’t…

Defining Leadership Success

It’s Not About You

How do you know if you’re a successful leader? Regardless of your title, two things are true if you’re really a leader:

  1. Someone is following you. No followers, no leader. Following under compulsion (like just to get a paycheck) doesn’t count. People choose to follow true leaders.
  2. You’re going someplace. If you’re going nowhere, you’re not leading.

Leadership is inherently other-centric. You only succeed when your followers do. My followers should be more successful with me leading than if I wasn’t. My success is multiplied when my followers become leaders whose followers are becoming leaders. As a student in a recent class commented, leadership is a “pyramid scheme”. Continue reading Defining Leadership Success

The Cure for “Too Busy”

The Investment that Pays Back Big…

I’ve written before about dealing with the pervasive problem of being too busy (see https://enlumenls.com/say-no/, or the videos at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlqgjjR3m68). There is a way to gain significant ground against this problem. Now don’t roll your eyes at me until you’ve heard me out, but I believe the best, most lasting solution to being too busy is… Continue reading The Cure for “Too Busy”

The No-Brainer We Often Miss…

Managing Expectations

I slipped up this week. On Monday I told several people I would have something out to them by Tuesday. This was Wednesday morning. Someone else owed me the last piece I needed so I could do my part. It might come in any minute. Or maybe not. But naively thinking I would have it, I had made a commitment.

Here was my Wednesday morning thought process…
Continue reading The No-Brainer We Often Miss…